Six Strategies to Coach Your Child Into Anger Control

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Coaching your child into using the following anger control strategies will help reinforce better self control and promote constructive, better resolution of potential conflict situations. When children learn to attack the deed and not the doer, they also learn to become more assertive and less aggressive in demonstrating cooperative ways of expressing feelings and diffusing anger with more productive, appropriate behavior. These anger control strategies are a bit more complex, and should be used with older children.

Use examples to explain and model each of these six strategies.

1. What Is The Consequence? What would be the consequence of an angry reaction? Responding in anger is never a good choice. It doesn't solve the problem. It creates more of the same-negative, angry words or actions.

2. Learn To Use Breathing. Breathing in itself is a body centering practice. Take three deep breaths and count to 10. This is a calming technique that gives more impulse control and time to react more appropriately.

3. Close Your Eyes. Think of a person, place, or thing that creates a peaceful, calm, or happy feeling inside. Perhaps a beautiful beach could be the place; the thing could be the baseball bat your grandfather gave you as a gift; the person could be someone close and loving.

4. Change The Attitude. Instead of showing anger, change the expression to a smile and make a joke about the situation. Humor can lighten a tense, stressful situation.

5. Play It Back. Play the situation again in your mind-like a rewind. It gives time to think about why you feel upset.

6. What Are The Feelings Inside? Learn to become aware of the physical reactions you feel in response to anger-dry mouth, clenched fists, butterflies in stomach, or red blotches creeping up the neck. They are the triggers. Learn to feel them coming.

What separates us from animals when faced with a fight or flight situation? We have the ability to control our words and actions. Animals rely on instinct to protect themselves in determining whether to attack or flee when violated. We have the same instinct but are able to protect and defend ourselves from harm with a higher level of sophistication and brain power. We become more positive parents when coaching our children in alternative ways to deal with anger.

A Mindful Parent Lives and Celebrates the Present Moment

Dear Parents,

Sometimes I ask myself, "Am I deliberately living my life or am I racing around trying to catch up with it? Am I just reacting to life or am I acting with intention? Am I in a form-fitting mold that I have mindlessly allowed others to create and shape for me?"

It is easy to get caught up in the parenting race to appointments, practices, and all other outside activities that leave us little time to pay attention to our own internal essence. We have the best intentions, but we forget that we need to care for our own well being as well as nurturing others. There is a simple way to begin thinking about and become present in some of our daily activities instead of thinking about what is next on the agenda. It is a way of enjoying whatever we have to do, and derive pleasure and enjoyment from it by simply allowing all our senses to experience it.

When we focus on what it is we are doing right in the moment, it gives our minds license to rest in the present -giving our overly active minds over to what is. We are able to see and feel more clearly what is going on around us. When we are in tune with what is going on, we allow ourselves the space in our minds to be attuned to possibilities and opportunities that might otherwise be missed.
Next time you are engaged in an activity with your children, become aware as to whether your attention is focused on the activity and totally immersed in it, or if there is some distraction that takes your mind out of being fully engaged. It is amazing to realize how much unrelated self talk that pops up in head. Most of it is totally unrelated to what is going on right then. It takes practice to learn to become mindful, present, and to slow down. It is all we have. The past is gone and the future isn't here yet.
Pick one of your daily routines such as washing your face, taking a shower, or eating breakfast. While doing the task, focus your full attention on everything about it. Be totally present with it. If you are washing your face, listen to the sound of the water as it hits the sink, the feel of the lathering of the soap in your hands,,or the rubbing of the towel on your face as you dry it. 

The more you practice being in the moment, the more you will enjoy doing mundane things with pleasure. We have to do them anyway so why not do them and practice bringing peacefulness and awareness into your life at the same time?

Until the next time:
A Dream is a seed.
Vision plants it.
Imagination nurtures growth
Opportunities create blooms
Things become Things!
Donna McGoff

Parents Take Your Power

Dear Parents,

When I was a younger person, I felt the spirit of mindfulness to some degree but never delved deeper in search of the true essence of who I really was. By mindfulness, I mean the ability to see with clarity the understanding of self and others so that life experience is lived in more awareness and presence.

Most of my adult life has been in reaction to it. Growing up there were lots of questions but generally pushed aside as not important or not relative to where I was headed in life. Had I trusted my instinct and my inner power and gone searching for answers, many of the barriers and walls I put around myself would not have been built; and if they were, there would be at least be pathways around, under, over, or through them. As a result, I cultivated my own limiting beliefs.

Growing up in the 50s and 60s was a time of questioning and one of the most exciting times in history. I was on the outside looking in. I was curious, but I didn't become a part of my generation that stepped out of the box, asked the questions, and searched until answers were found.

The path I was headed was mostly already set before me. I thought I knew where I was going because that is where a lot of us went back during that generation. It was laid out before me, and I never thought to create my own destiny. I didn't think to be the author of my own life; and unfortunately instead, I allowed others to script it for me.

We did go to college and majored in "something" that we could earn a living and reasonably have an affinity for, but our ultimate goal was to be married, have children, and hope to live happily ever after. We then "had arrived" and done what we were supposed to do. Of course, if after a number of years the "happily ever after" wasn't happening, we would be sure that we were going to be comfortable. After all, we had let a part of ourselves slip through our fingers.

There was a part of our lives we hadn't lived and made a trade off. By that I mean-the part where we were supposed to be living according to our purpose. You know, answering the call that was deep inside and meant to be shared in the service to ourselves and others. To compensate for that, we could look forward to relaxing as we got older-watch the world go by and try to be content with our family and our financial circumstances-or not.

Some of us chose another path. As we got older and were living the norm, we found that it didn't make us happy. We didn't like the path and weren't content-so some of us took a detour. Many of us paid dearly for that detour as we had to depend solely upon ourselves and deal with the mixed emotions we would create in our children for having made that decision.

We stood alone and it was hard-hard on us and hard on the children. We never meant for them to suffer for our mistakes, but we had to go out there and find a better road to travel. It took courage and guts.

Some of us made better choices after that. It gave us more fulfillment and happiness while others of us went around in circles-looking around corners, taking different routes, getting on and off the highway, getting lost, and ultimately ending up not getting answers to those same burning questions we wondered about so long ago.

Yes, there were times when I carved out my own path in spite of my past experiences and previous conditioning. The limiting beliefs continued to hold me back; but in spite of that, new paths were forged out of necessity and not necessarily coming from longing, passion or desire. Today, I know it is time to use the wisdom and knowing that I now possess and explore the aspirations, challenges, and power that has been buried deep inside for so long.
I am now ready, are you? 

Be on the lookout for more thoughts.

The Power of Goal Setting -- Step 4

Now that you have all the obstacles, here comes the hard part because if you did these things, there would be no goal. These are called the action steps and they are what you will have to do to overcome the obstacles that get in the way of your having what you want. You will need to list them under each of the obstacles. Some obstacles may have only one action step, while others may have at least two.

You are exercising your mind by having put all this down on paper. You will need to look at it daily and work on it every chance you get. The sooner you achieve this goal you can go on to the next. As you do this you are doing one very important thing; and that is, you are exercising your mind.

I made a poster for the books that I will be selling at the fundraiser which I would like to put here:

A dream is the seed.
Vision plants it.
Imagination nurtures growth.
Opportunities create blooms.
Reflection becomes reality!

So, you decide what it is that you want. You see it in your mind. You feel the good feeling of having it already. You are passionate and convinced that you will have it. As you continue to be focused and you mind is set on it, the Law of Attraction begins its work. There will soon be opportunities in your path. If you are ready for them, you will see them. If not, they will pass you by. You act upon them immediately and continue to strive for the goal; and what do you know--you have it!
Donna McGoff

http://bit.ly/19S7afs

The Power of Goal Setting--Step 3

Now that you have the goal written correctly, you need to put it where you can see it easily at least once a day. I put mine  on the bathroom mirror. Also, I have been known to put it on the refrigerator or near the computer. Seeing it is a great reminder to keep you focused. Remember it is something that you really want to be, do, or have so you have passion and desire along with belief and faith that you will have it. When you look at the picture, feel the feeling of already having it. 

When I look at my goal and repeat it with emotion and feeling, I picture in my mind having achieved it and focus on that. What a great feeling it is. Visualization is very powerful and a necessity for the goal setting process. I explain it very simply in my book.

Next, you need to list the obstacles that will get or are in the way of receiving the goal. List all the obstacles that you can think of. That is all you have to do in this step.

When you think of the obstacles and list them, you might be a little discouraged thinking about how you will overcome them. Here is some food for thought: When the fear and doubt creep into your mind, you must become aware of it. You will then need to push those thoughts out and replace with positive, courageous thoughts. It is not easy to do; but when you do, instantly you feel better. The uncomfortable feeling is gone. You must make sure to do this often because that is how you will move forward and overcome the FEAR that is the killer of any achievement of goals. 

One thing that always works for me is sitting in the stillness because stillness speaks. It is the power that is within that we all have. Learning to push all thoughts out of the head for any length of time is very beneficial. Relaxing the body while doing this allows for the wonderful flow and everything is how it should be.

The Power of Goal Setting

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Simple Steps To The Power of Goal Setting--Step 2

You have chosen something that you want to be, do, or have more than anything else. That is the most important thing! You have to feel passion, desire, and have faith in knowing that you will receive it. You have to be able to see it in your mind and also experience the feeling of having it already!

The next step is to write the goal. Writing a goal down gives you 60-80% more of a chance of achieving it. It is no longer a dream that is floating in the air. Now you will have it front and center. It creates a little psychological anxiety inside when you write it down because you know it is there and you know that you have to do the work to achieve it. When you say, "Oh, I would love to have a kayak so that I could paddle in the Indian River Lagoon and even go fishing!". Well, you are saying it to the air--it is just wishful thinking!

Here are the parts of the goal.
1.  Begin with the word, "TO". I find that the words flow easier using that starting word.
2. Describe in detail exactly what it is that you want.
3. It needs to be dated!

I just became a book author of a children's book. The message I bring to children is that learning this skill is a very valuable asset that can be used throughout life. It is a "Must Have" in a children's library.
It is the gift I want children to open as they read my book.

My goal would look like this:  

To sell 1,000 copies of  the book, The Power of Goal Setting by December 31, 2014.

Next, I put it up right where I can easily see it so that I have a reminder of it as often as possible. I commit it to memory as well and say it over and over so that it gets imprinted on the subconscious mind. Once it is there, watch and see what happens!

Next step coming up...
Donna McGoff
https://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=9781629946382

Simple Steps To The Power of Goal Setting--Step 1

THE POWER OF GOAL SETTING

THERE ARE FIVE STEPS

Step 1
What do you really want to be, do, or have? This will be your goal. It has to be something that you want more than anything else because there is a psychological reason for this. If it is something that you don't get a deep feeling inside (A FEELING VIBE) when you think about it; it is not something that you really want. You have to feel passion and an unparalleled desire for it. You have to decide that you want it so much that it obsesses your thoughts. If it is that way with you, the rest is about to follow...

Why do you have to impregnate your mind with it? Well, as you know, you do so many things without thinking. You walk, sleep, type, read, breathe, smile--an unfathomable amount of things you do automatically. That is the KEY. You don't think about them because they are so embedded in your mind that your mind has moved on to other things, and you do these things subconsciously.

These things are controlled by the cerebro-spinal nerve system in your body. The brain is the organ of the mind that controls the automatic functions of the body. For example, you don't say to yourself, "Okay, now hug my daughter because I have an overwhelming feeling of love for her". You would just do the physical movement without any thought to it. Your love feeling will permeate your body and it will feel harmonious.

You want to walk from A to B and you just do it. You subconsciously have your body make all the movements--and there are lots of parts of the anatomy that are involved in that one simple task. You don't think about it because, well, why should you except for this moment? You walk from A to B and basically your subconscious is giving you what you want. When you were a baby it gave you what you needed to do and know to be able to stand upright and walk. You had to do it. You were going to continue trying to master it until you could. After a while you never thought about it. When you were a baby soon to be a toddler, it was all you could think about--getting from A to B.

This is why it is so important that what you want to be, do, or have needs to be something desired more than anything--within reason. If it is, well that is when the  mind which is static energy will give out the thought which is dynamic energy--through that process-- the spiritual--the creative and the imagination will arrange itself to show you ways on how to get what you want. This is not craziness. Do the research. It is science.

THE WORLD WITHIN us is the subconscious. The solar plexus is where all the personal feelings and senses reside. If the sympathetic nerve system and the cerebro-spinal nerve system work in harmony well imagine what you could do?

If children have this awareness at an early age in a simple, understandable way…

The Sky Will Be The Limit!

It is not my intention to insult your intelligence. You know these things. It is just, for some of you, you haven't really thought much about it--where it originates and how you got from A to B in the beginning.

I am just setting the simple foundation. After all, I wrote my book for kids and so it is done in the simplistic fashion. Who buys the book, parents, so ...
The next step is...